A tough conversation, but staying on track

I hesitated posting this, because it's a bit personal, and it probably shares more than I should about a private conversation, but I've been struggling with it, and wanted to share a little bit about it.

A few nights ago, I had dinner with a good friend I've known for a long time (who may or may not read this blog). In an unusual turn of events for our friendship, my friend found himself lecturing me for about 45 minutes about my eating.

His main point was that, though I've made good improvements, unless I significantly change my eating habits, even if I'm successful in meeting my goal for my weight loss, I will inevitably gain it back, both because what I'm eating is bad for me, and because I will stop exercising since I don't enjoy it. He also believes I'll be a happier person if I change my eating. (I don't think I'm unhappy, but that's not relevant).

The eating habit changes he illustrated were to eliminate processed, engineered, pasteurized food from my diet, and that I should go natural and fresh, etc. I don't know much about this stuff, but I think that's called "clean" eating or something. In any event, he had a lot of things to say about what he perceived to be my eating habits, and though I know it was very well intended, the conversation made me feel really badly about myself.

I don't think it was his intention to be as lecturing and preachy as he ended up being; but I do believe that he believes passionately in this sort of thing.

I am not discounting everything, and I'm certain there are lots of things I could do differently to eat even healthier than I do now. Quite frankly, there are lots of things I could do differently in all aspects of my life to be "better".

I refuse to believe, however, that the only way to be successful at taking off weight, keeping off weight, and getting healthier across the board is by only eating "clean". I know there are lots of people out there who are passionate about this, and I respect that it works for them. I also know that, as I stare down 40, it's not likely that eating "clean" will somehow magically erase any impact of the things I've eaten so far. I have to believe that I can achieve my goals and not have to turn my life inside out, which is what eating "clean" makes me feel like I'd have to do. Fresh food all the time. Limited and pure ingredients in everything. Everything organic and unengineered. What can only mean an astronomical grocery bill at Whole Foods every week. That sort of thing. Honestly, I'm just not that into it. For those of you who are, I respect that. And it's not like I eat so terribly... I really don't. I just don't eat like THAT. And I don't have a desire to.

But all that aside, the worst thing is how it made me feel about the weight I've lost, the hard work I've done, and the hard work I still need to do to get to my goal. And to STAY at my goal. Though he said several times he didn't want to discount what I've done, I still felt it. I know he meant well. I just wish it didn't feel like a torpedo in the middle of my plan.

I've got some very great friends and my wonderful husband who helped me kind of get past this event, and I appreciate all their support. I needed it to make sure I stay on track. And, like I said, this isn't a typical post for me, and I don't want my friend to feel like I'm complaining publicly about it. What I'm doing is trying to use my blogging for the purpose I set it up for: To help me achieve my goals, talk about accomplishments and be honest about challenges along the way. This one was a challenge, and my success so far is that I didn't let it discourage me and cause me to give up.

Thanks for reading!

Positive reinforcement goes a long way...

My hope was to be a bit more conservative and focused on eating last week (less splurging, keeping track better) and hope to get out of my rut a little bit. I think I did well enough"

This week's weight loss: -0.8 lbs.
Total weight loss: -15.3 lbs.

(also, consistent on body fat for a while now, down 5%)

I won't be so bold as to think I'm off my plateau, because I could easily be back up a pound in a week, but it's at least a little motivational for me to see this continue to go in the right direction.

I really hope NOT to come back below the 15 lb. mark at this point... I'd like to have that as a weight loss goal achieved and not retreated, but we'll see.

The next big goal would be 20 lbs lost. I'd like to see that happen by Week 30, weigh in is March 15th. But that's a bit more aggressive than I've been the last 2 months -- I'd need to average almost a pound a week, and I haven't done that since the first 10 weeks or so.

But as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I need to start creating smaller, more achievable/attainable goals with shorter time frames and smaller numbers, to help keep me on the right path.

In exercise news, last week, I signed up for my pilates reformer class here at home for another 10 week session, which would bring my total classes up to a full 6 months of weekly classes! I'm not sure if I'll continue after that (takes me into April), but for now, it helps create the structure I need, and I definitely see progress from it, (plus I had a coupon for a special they ran in January -- only $20 a session for 10 weeks!) so, why would I possibly give that up now? I'm headed there again tonight -- I find it's a great way to get focused on getting into the gym early in the week, and get my head into it.

This week, Robert's on a work trip a few days, so I'm by myself until Wednesday night. I hope to see some friends here and there for dinner (and hopefully not derail the eating), and I also plan to go to the gym 3 times this week, including hopefully getting to my power pilates class in NH this weekend.

Hope you are all getting through the cold of January!

Thanks for reading!

"You're a Pro. Get up in the front row."

Yup, that's what the Zumba instructor said to me tonight. I guess she'd seen me enough and knew I knew the dances enough. There were a bunch of new people in the class (maybe more new than not), and even though I had kind of already put myself in front of some of the people, she wanted me to be way up front. Yikes. Me? In front? Um.....

I like this class. I've taken it enough that I do know the dances (ish) and I've found that, once you know the dances, you can actually work much harder in the class, and get a better work out (which is kind of the point). But I was happy doing that and still being in the back row.

So, there I was, in the front row. And demonstrating things when she asked. And I kept seeing people watch ME to figure out what was going on.

Now, I know that I still have far to go, because I still watch the instructor the whole time. I don't look at myself in the mirror. (I did once or twice tonight). This is mainly because when I catch a glimpse of myself, I look much less coordinated and graceful and hip then I imagine myself to be.

But I can see that I've come a long way, and that I'm getting more exercise out of the class, and just as importantly, when I was hemming and hawing before ultimately deciding to go to the gym tonight, I'm glad I went.

Thanks for reading!

The Mayor of Plateau Land

Well, it's another week in Plateau-ish land...

This week: -0.4 lbs.
Total weight loss so far: -14.5 lbs.

This weekend had some good stuff and some bad stuff. I ate poorly on Sunday. I can't remember the last time I ate that poorly. Now, to a normal person, it may not seem bad, but for me and the last 5 months, it was. Now, the rest of the weekend, even the week before, was good, and I think the number shows that a good week can somewhat offset one bad day, but I feel like I could have "put up a bigger number" as they say in the Biggest Loser, if I hadn't strayed.

For the record, eating badly on Sunday: One serving of a breakfast casserole, one third of a rich cupcake, 2 servings of popcorn at the bar, 2 beers at the bar (i haven't had a second beer since I started this), and my dinner came with a small cup of pasta salad and a side of chips, and I ate most of both. (gee, Kath... eat carbs much??)

But, I still feel like I'm in a bit of a plateau, and still aggravated not to shake out of it. Staying focused, and a half pound loss is still a good one, but it's not going to get me the next 15 lbs.

Sorry... I'm a bit gloomy tonight about this. I'll put a better, more focused post in a few days.

Thanks for reading!

The blahs in the middle of a rough week

This week hasn't been too good or too bad with eating. I had a very stressful Tuesday and Wednesday, and Tuesday night, I found many of my points in the bottom of a red wine glass. When that eroded my will power too much, where I'd normally grab cookies or something, I grabbed some unsalted rice cakes. Not too tasty, but not too harmful, and they satisfied my crunch craving.

Last night, however, I came home, had some chips (the dreaded chips) and that was it. No other dinner. I knew there were way too many points in the chips to also accommodate a meal, even though I had been very sensible with my breakfast and lunch. Quite frankly, after eating a bunch of chips, I just wasn't that hungry anymore, and I justified it all with my crappy day at work.

Hopefully, the crappy work stuff is behind me, and I can get a little back to normal. I did go to zumba Saturday, pilates on Monday and I'm going to Zumba tonight and then power pilates on Saturday, so I'm feeling okay about the exercise at this moment.

We're entertaining friends up in NH for the longs weekend. In terms of eating, we'll plan on one dinner out, one dinner home (crockpot meal), one large breakfast. The rest of the breakfast and lunches should be easy for me to maintain some healthy choices.

Crockpot meal will be a pretty simple one. I haven't done the WW points yet, but all the ingredients are chicken, potatoes, Italian dressing and Parmesan cheese.

The big indulgence (of which I can have one small portion) will be the be the breakfast bake (the sausage and leek casserole my mom made at Christmas -- sausage, leek, cheese, eggs, baguette slices... it's rich). I'll reduce on the ingredients (lower fat cheese, mix egg beaters with real eggs, etc) as I can, but it's still on the rich side.

I know it will all be fine... Oh, but a good reminder -- weigh in won't be until Tuesday next week, as we won't be home until Monday evening. I hope all of you with a 3 day weekend enjoy yourselves! Don't indulge too much! :-)

Thanks for reading!

No more. No less. No good?

Well, I weighed in exactly where I was this time last week. However, as I weighed myself most days during the past week, some days my weight was up, some days it was down. I guess I'm just back to equilibrium.

This week's weigh in: -0.0 lbs.
Total weight loss: -14.1 lbs.

Honestly, I expected a little bit of a move (in a good direction). I made it to the gym 3 times, including 2 times for cardio (Zumba classes). I didn't splurge on food except for one evening (Chinese food on Saturday night). In general, I thought I was doing good stuff.

On the negative side, I'm not dogmatic about my WW points, and this week, I have to go back to that. I have a fear that my issue is that I'm not eating enough points again, and I need to work on getting back to the consistent point eating. Also, I'm not sure just how much I can expect from ONE week of doing well at the gym... it needs to be a pattern, not a punch card.

And in a worst scenario, I'm working just hard enough to plateau, which would suck, because it would need a shift to get out of it. So, I'm going to try a few tweaks this next couple of weeks, and see how I do.

We have friends coming to the NH house for the long weekend this weekend, where we're bound to have some indulgent food. I'm going to have to stay on top of that - I know it's doable to eat well even if there's indulgence, so I hope to be successful with that.

Thanks for reading!

Inch by Inch...

I took my measurements again tonight. I will do this every 10 weeks, so this is my 3rd set of measurements. I'm counting really only the traditional "bust, waist, hips" measurements, though I also am tracking thighs and arms, but only out of interest, not for totals or reporting.

After Week 10: 5 inches lost
After Week 20: 9.5 inches total lost, 4.5 inches since week 10.

That's about an 8% reduction in inches in those 3 areas total. They've been pretty consistent in reduction across each of the 3 areas.

I mean, that's kind of crazy, right? I know my pants from 20 weeks ago don't fit. Nor do my pants from 10 weeks ago. But almost 10 inches? Wow. Now I AM surprised and shocked.

Yay me!

Off to pilates, to continue gettin' my skinny on.

Thanks for reading!

One Third of the Way Through!

Well, I have to say I have surprised myself. (Not surprised and shocked, just surprised, but content).

I am back to where I was when this holiday season started. My weigh in on December 14th (3 weeks ago) is exactly where I am today, despite the weight gain in weeks one and two of that cycle.

This week's weight loss: -1.2
Total weight loss: -14.1

I was able to focus a lot more on my eating over the time when I was back at home in Boston and then in NH, but more importantly, there was less in terms of big events surrounding food. No dinners out, no parties, no holiday splurges. Sure, I had a treat here or there, but I was back to normal breakfasts and lunches, and some good dinners, and not too much in terms of snacking and desserts.

Exercise-wise, I did make it to my power pilates class on Saturday, and it DID kick my butt as much as I needed it kicked. Later that same day, Robert and I went snowshoeing on a trail for an hour and a half or so, and that certainly helped with the aerobic exercise and getting some more movement in, even in the cold weather.

All, in all, I'm happy with my "End of Week 20" accomplishments, back on track to new milestones, and starting off 2010 on a positive note. I'll do my measurements and pics tonight (I'll post the measurement results), and share some thoughts about new milestones later this week.

Thanks for reading!

2010. The Year of Living (more) Healthily.

Happy New Year! Here we are in 2010. I was born in1970, and I remember that, when I was little, I couldn't believe that I'd turn 30 in the year 2000. It seemed so far away and futuristic. Now, 10 years after that, I march down to 40.

I'm a few days a way from one-third of the way into this challenge I set out for myself this summer. Sometimes, 30 lbs (well, about 17 more at this point) seems completely doable with little more effort than I already put in. After all, I'm more than a third to my goal, on good days half way to my goal, and most days, my life doesn't seem so different in terms of eating and activity than it was 5 months ago. On other days, I go back to my "up a little, down a little" posts, and I'm reminded that every week has its own struggles, and 17 lbs left suddenly seems very daunting.

I know that my 2010 efforts really need to be focused on exercise. I know this. I know this rationally, and I know that I see better results when my diet and my exercise are both a focus. I've done a lot on the diet (except the damn chips) and feel good about what I've accomplished there, but I know that I will quickly lose the powerful impact it has had if I don't combine it with exercise.

In November and December, I really had exercise 2 times a week, but mainly just pilates (one reformer class, which is not cardio exercise) and one power pilates, which is a bit more cardio, and more of a calorie burn. In weeks I didn't have the power pilates, I did the Zumba class. But I know that this just isn't cutting it. I am going to have to find a way to get to the gym at least 3 times a week, (or outside one of those times), and make sure that at least 2 of those days are cardio.

I'm dreading it. I'll be honest. I hate it.

Now, what I DO know, is that I've got stronger and healthier and more fit over the past several months, which should make cardio easier to do. That's my hope, anyway. And I still love the pilates reformer class, and hope to stay with that several more months (even though it costs extra money on top of my gym membership, anything that makes me enjoy going to the gym that much is something to stick with, right? AND it has results that can't be argued with...)

As you know, if you know me well or if you've been reading since the beginning, I generally need a gimmick to motivate me (I'm simple; I know). I was enjoying my "get 100 Fitrewards points for 8 visits to the gym each month" plan, but they canceled that program, promising to announce something new in January. (I did get enough points for a cool long sleeve shirt, though.) So, something I need to work on this week or so is coming up with a new plan to motivate me, some gimmick, short term goals and rewards, to help me stay focused. I was able to build in initial goals around "achieve this by Christmas" kinds of stuff, but there's a lot of runway between now and October 8th, and I need to fill it with achievable milestones to get me the whole way.

I'm sure some of you are all pondering your own resolutions for 2010, and looking to set your own achievable milestones. Hopefully, we can continue to inspire one another through this blog and any other methods we can find. And for those of you who read along with me just to keep supporting me, THANK YOU for all your encouragement. I have to say that writing this blog and keeping up with it, even in the weeks where I only post once, continues to be the number one reason I stay focused. It has provided great accountability, which was entirely my goal for this in the first place. Glad I got that one right!

Happy 2010!

Thanks for reading!