The Gym was right where I left it: Behind the big pile of guilt.

First things first. My eating yesterday. It was fine, but I'm realizing that my first reaction when I joined Weight Watchers of "Oh my god - only 20 points??? How will I survive??" Is rapidly becoming, "It's 8pm and I need to eat 4 more points. What the hell?" I know that part of the key here is to eat all my points. I just have to figure out how to build that into a balanced day. I know the keys are protein and fiber. I think i can probably be good at one or another in a given day, but not sure about how to be good at both. It's a learning game, I know.

Here's the summary from Tuesday:

Breakfast: cottage cheese and pineapple (you're going to see that a lot here. I eat it mon - fri already), dunks medium with skim milk
Lunch: salad with oven roasted salmon, some parmesan cheese
Dinner: WW frozen entree - mango barbecue chicken with orzo. It was pretty good.
Snacks: Special K strawberry bar, 100 - cal oreo minicakesters. (YUM).

Total Points: 16

The big thing on Tuesday was going to the gym. I decided I'd do 30 minutes of cardio. That's actually quite a bit for me, and normally I'd get to about 26 minutes and say "close enough", but I really made myself stay with it. I did 15 minutes on the treadmill (2 minutes walking, 1 minute running, rinse, repeat) and then 15 minutes recumbent bicycle and a fat burning mode, A few points of note:

1) I need to get a better gym mix for my iPod. It was okay, but not going to help me get through it long term.
2) Cardio is completely boring boring boring boring boring boring boring
3) I don't know that I'm supposed to be seeing a heart rate of 170 on these machines. There are helpful "target heart rate" guides pasted on the machines, and they don't mention 170. I told Robert I thought it meant I might explode. Obviously, if i get better, one of the side benefits (as well as measures) is just a lower heart rate when working that hard.

Meanwhile, my measure for success is "went, set a time limit, didn't stop early, sweat a ton". Check!

Oh, and I saw the personal trainer that I worked with when getting ready for the wedding. He did a double take when he saw me on the bike. He said, "Hey! Haven't seen you in a while! " Yup... haven't been here in a while. He offered to get my old training plans if I wanted them, or if I wanted a refresher with him, just to ask. He was a great person to work with, and when I worked with him last, the day before my wedding, I knew he was really proud of me.

I felt like facing him this time was going to be a personal barrier -- knowing I was much worse off than where he left me, and some guilt about feeling like I failed him. I'm hopeful that I can get back to feeling good about all this, and he's one of those people I hope end up proud of me again.

But I got that over with, and I'm glad I went. Now it's on to bigger (or smaller!) and better things! I'll try it again tomorrow maybe.

Well, I need to go figure out how to spend 9 points at dinner. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading!